In ten years time, we are going to look back at this particular time in our life either very fondly or with regret. We don’t know yet. But, we’ll see how it goes. A tiny little dream that we built up over the last six months has died. In it’s place we are building a new one, something we’re still very unsure of, something that is more of a gamble, but maybe more satisfying in the end if it all works out.
I spent three weeks with him in Spain, one of my longest visits yet. It was fun, as is always the case when I’m with him, but it was also spent under a cloud of sadness and fear mostly on his part. I didn’t realize how big that cloud was until the very end, when he came back to me all emotional after a phone conversation with his friend and possible boss (which didn’t happen in the end) and said “we need to talk”. Initially, I thought he was joking, but no, he was pretty serious. He told me he didn’t want to take up the high paying banking job, in a great multinational company, in New York City, a coveted position in a highly desirable field that people would give up anything for. He felt research was his true calling and he didn’t want to give it up. I can’t really say I was surprised but I didn’t imagine he would give up the job, call it quits before even joining it. But, I guess I understood his point, I could see how miserable he was these past few weeks, getting more so as his first day at the new place was drawing close. In the moment, I only wanted to make sure he was okay and went along with it. The next day though when I woke up, it hit me. I was a little disappointed, I even got mad at him for a bit and later on told him that I felt like our dream had just died. But, I still supported him and more importantly understood why he felt the way he did.
Actually even now, two days after having formally rejected the offer, it feels surreal. Like, life has taken a new turn, with a few blind spots on our way. But, we are in it together. I know we’ll figure it out. Maybe this is one of our greatest adventures, and we just don’t realize it right now. We’ll make sure that our future is awesome, that we live it the way we want to, together full of love and laughter. After all, life is grandiose, so why not make the ride fun!